Yeah it’s Christmas time, you gotta put something on the fireplace.
I’m not talking about stockings. No.
If you’ve got kids I’m thinking tripwires, security cameras and a couple of cans of mace.
‘Cuz you’re about to have a break-in.
Yeah, a yuletide home invasion.
Think about it.
What grown man manipulates kids with rewards and shaming?
What grown man accepts payment in milk and cookies?
What grown man wears pajamas 24/7?
What grown man lives in a desolate wasteland without extradition?
A pedofile.
Film directors and pedophiles
Think about it.
What grown man employs a workforce entirely under the height of 4-foot tall?
Yeah, you get where I’m going about the elves.
What grown man makes handmade toys in the 21st century?
What grown man refuses to visit your house unless your kids are asleep?
A pedophile.
Yeah, a magical breaking-and-entering pedophile.
Pedo-pedo-pedo-pedo-pedo-pedo-pedo-pedo,
Pedophile.
Don’t sit on that lap you don’t know where it’s been.
Oh, I guess except around the fucking world attached to a pedophile.
Pedophile, a very merry pedophile, pedophile, immortal elven pedophile.
Pedophile.
Oh, Santa Claus, you sure remind me of the common pedophile.
credits
from Squirrelmageddon,
released September 27, 2017
Written and Performed by Rhune Kincaid
