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You Never Know Where Love Will Find You (Unplugged)

from Squirrelmageddon by Rhune Kincaid

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lyrics

“You Never Know Where Love Will Find You”
By Rhune Kincaid

Uh.

Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, fulfill my wish,
Bring me a classy dish,
Who is educated on important issues.

Match and Tindr, find me a winner.
I’ve got an extra ticket to the ballet,
So she’s gotta be graceful in every way.

Then I sit back,
And wait for those profile pics to roll in,
Sometimes it takes a little while, but then…

She’s got a tattoo of a spider on her tits,
And the spider is eating a baby.

I guess she doesn’t like babies.
I can work with that.
Oh, I can work with anything.

She’s putting out cigarettes on her eyelids.

I guess she doesn’t like eyelids.
I can work with that.
Oh, I can work with anything.

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
Even if her smile reminds you,
Of Tremors, not the first one, but the sequel that doesn’t have Kevin Bacon:
Tremors 2: Aftershocks

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
Even if her eyes remind you,
Of a colony of ants building hills out of meth rocks.

Oh, I’m not letting this ticket go to waste.
I’m taking it to a dark place.
Craigslist.
M4F.
Are you capable of composing an outfit that doesn’t rely on a tube top?

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
Even if her hair reminds you of the Martian puppets from Sesame Street.
Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup, nope, no, no.

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
Even if holding her hands reminds you of gutting cold fish on boy scout camping trip.

Ooh,
And the blurry pictures and the redeye.
It’s 2017 why can’t you learn to work your camera phone?

Ooh,
Can’t wait until dating sites have photo tags,
So when you post a picture with your hot friends, I can ask them out instead.

I can’t tell who you are.

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
Even if her voice reminds you of your mom.
Oh God, she sounds exactly like my mom.

And she wants to know my middle name.

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
Even if her toes remind you,
Of the crinkle cut fries in a Burger King Value Meal.

Who wears sandals to the ballet?

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
Even if her kiss reminds you of the Tattooine Sarlacc pit,

You gotta keep an open mind,
Because you never know when love will find you,
And you don’t need a girl to grind you,
Because when you’re drunk enough,

It doesn’t really matter anymore.

Call Bono,
I think I found what I’ve been looking for.
I just hope Trevor likes Stravinsky.

Stravinsky is a guy who writes operas.
Or he did.
He’s dead now.

credits

from Squirrelmageddon, track released July 8, 2018
Written and Performed by Rhune Kincaid

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