Sitting down to my favorite show’s season finale,
Because I finally found a program with themes up my alley.
It’s got the twists and the turns and the character arc,
But the suspense is best when I’ve been kept in the dark.
I don’t go to advanced screenings.
I don’t read insider news.
I don’t speculate on casting calls,
Bitch, I skip the previews.
It must be hard to keep your big mouth shut,
So don’t say who zombies got or which contestants got cut.
If you tell me what’ll happen, it’ll spoil my joy,
Soil your boy,
If we were little kids, you’re breaking my toys.
So if you like to show that you’re in the know with info on my shows that’s too on the nose,
Then I know where your kind of bozo goes.
On my block list.
On Twitter.
Spoiler alert, spoiler alert,
Someone’s about to get their feelings hurt,
Spoiler alert, spoiler alert,
Because someone doesn’t know how a narrative reveal works.
Derp.
You’re the worst with your thirst,
To know things first.
An appendix full of spoilers,
About to burst.
You’ve been called out,
But you still don’t get it.
You still don’t hesitate,
And you still don’t regret it.
The emotional effect on me?
I’m devastated.
I feel like Tom Brady’s balls;
Deflated.
I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it, I do.
I like to talk about television too,
But the difference between gus like me and you?
Is that I stop and take a minute and I check the room.
Are we all caught up on Madame Secretary?
No?
That’s allright.
I can keep it to myself.
You know I want to feel the feeling of surprise,
You know I want to see this with my own eyes,
You know I’m getting angry when my melody rise,
And you know I get upset when I miss Pretty Little Liars.
Spoiler alert, spoiler alert,
Someone’s about to get their feelings hurt.
Spoiler alert, spoiler alert,
It’s like you threw up dinner on my dessert.
Spoiler alert, spoiler alert,
You’re being an Ernie,
Now I’m pissed off like Bert.
Let’s take it home now.
The way you spoil things I think you’re trying to make me crazy,
Consistently spoiling me, continues to amaze me.
There’s so many ways to stay away from saying things that’ll ruin my day;
Go outside, read a book, or schedule your social media for 10 years into the God Damn future if you can’t keep your fat little fingers off the keyboard.
Yeah.
credits
from Squirrelmageddon,
released September 27, 2017
Written and Performed by Rhune Kincaid