If I may be so bold,
You've got some hair I'd like to hold
At the end of the evening,
When you're heaving.

Pass the whiskey,
And let's get frisky.
Oh yeah, girl,
Uh huh.

You're hollering,
And slobbering,
But if you want another,
I'm throwing my dollar in.

I love drunk girls,
And they love me.
I'm buying 40s,
For all my shorties
Until they're drunk,
So drunk, so drunk.

She's gonna dance all night,
Until the music stops,
I'm like, "Jump, jump, honey!"
'Cuz you're full of hops

A vodka and I've got you,
You come for rum,
But I lied about the 20-drink minimum.

I'm gonna analyze her,
With my breathalyzer.
A 0.08 means
Point oh yeah, girl.

Your bottoms up again,
Oh, no. Is that your boyfriend?
Well, he's calling me a queer,
But I'm buying him a beer,
Until he's drunk enough for me to beat him up.

If you're too drunk to stand, come sit here on my lap.
You're a cute little keg that I'd like to tap.
No need for roofies,
'Cuz you're already goofy.
You're drunk, but not too drunk.

I love the way you stumble,
I love the way you crawl,
I love the way you regurgitate on the bathroom wall.
I love the cute, drunk things you say that only make sense in your head.
I love that when you trip and fall, you fall into my bed.

My bed is very comfy, but don't you fall asleep on me.
I think you might've given yourself a concussion when you slipped and hit your head on the bar.
How many fingers am I holding up?
Twelve is not a good guess.
I'd say you're concussed or just too drunk to count.
And that's too drunk to hump.
You don't need a lover, you need a stomach pump.